Two things in my world have brought about this blog post. One is last nights episode of The Bachelor. This week we saw Juan Pablo take his final 3 damsels in distress (because lets face it, whether on land or sea, these women are drowning) to St. Lucia for some sand, sun, soaking and.....sulking???? These ladies are in St. Lucia, the very place where my sweet sweet Amy Winehouse spent some of her last months! Why they insist on staring into space contemplating God knows what, I'll never know. Anyways, this isn't gonna be a recap so I'll skip to the moment I personally have been waiting for for as long as I've been a viewer of the Bachelor/ette franchises: the moment when a contestant would finally call out the Bachelor/ette on being an empty, shallow, self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic, robot, shell of a human being who cares about nothing but "falling in love" and not actually falling in love. Andi is by far a fan favorite and rumored new Bachelorette and I think we see why. After spending an evening with Juan Pablo away from the cameras in the fantasy suite, typically where people measure the circumferences of one another's areolae and check out their lover's brown star, Andi wanted out. She had come to the realization that Juan Pablo was not the man for her (which is ABC talk for: She had taken advantage socially and geographically of everything this 6 week long trip had to offer). Yes, somehow it took her this long to see him for the idiot that he is. But "that's ok" (<--more on this gem and why its in quotes in a minute). So we must understand that Andi needed the romantic once-in-a-lifetime dates and trips to see him for what he really is "which is a big nothing!" (<--"The Mask" reference, Jim Carrey comedy, not Cher drama) She found that after the cameras went away and it was time to really get to know Juan Pablo on a deeper level, that he was all talk and no listen. He did not let her divulge and self-disclose anything about her life, interests, hopes, dreams, fears, etc. He just would kiss her, say something stupid in spanish and use his "I'm an innocent yet sexy foreigner" charm to just steer the conversation back to him if continue it at all. She was repulsed and rightly so. She let him have it in one of the best Bachelor confrontations you have to see to believe. I say you must see to believe only because this show has a history of editing conversation between its contestants and its stars down to three topics, bulleted below:
- How crazy the experience is (no fucking duh you idiot, you just signed up to travel the world with 25 strangers who are either all cycling up on their periods or bro-ing up, flexing their muscles in competition and farting, not to mention you've elected to marry someone after only knowing of them a cumulative 6 weeks and lets be honest spending about 5-7 actual days with them on an intimate level)
- Traumas (seriously these people seem to lead into their intros with "My father tried to kill me when I was 8", "I witnessed my friend get killed by a falling tree", or "I was left at the altar [and now the only way I can find love is through this television show]"
- What kind of significant other they're looking for (this last topic is the closest to normal we human viewers actually enjoy engaging in in the early stages of a romantic relationship and even some of us find this topic something of a back burner saved for the 10th date or 3rd bj)
What the constants fail to realize is whether or not the type of person who says "I'm ok with people competing for my love in a Hunger Games style tournament of love, lust, lies and laughter (for those of us watching at home, "Everytime they cry, we drink", sorry liver)" is the type of person they really want to end up with. Except for Andi. She realized it. She told him that she found his cavalier way of responding to her anguish over his indifference to her identity to be "annoying" and condescending. She tried to teach him that theres a difference between rapport talk and report talk, and theres asking questions, listening, and asking more questions, which should typically take place when getting to know someone. He was only engaging in the report talk. Report talk is a term I learned in my studies in college as a Communications major where you simply one-up the person with your self disclosures, where its a competition or sometimes merely a presentation of yourself. Men are easily found engaging in this type of talk. I've known a few men in my day who engage in this. Thirsty bottoms all too eager to tell you about who they hooked up with before you (as if its a competition to be the biggest slut in boys town....actually it is a competition, just one I've yet to sign up for) and straight dudes like my college roommate who bark on about how they were in a car accident where there truck flipped 3 times yet they walked away unscathed (the only scars that remain are seemingly on their brains making them not only dumb but chauvinistic). Rapport talk is when you seek connectivity and bonding by sharing and listening to others disclosures and comparing those to your own in discussion. This is typically employed by women. The best kind of people can engage in both and know when its best to choose one over the other. (*spoiler alert* its always best to engage in rapport talk with your significant other whether its the first date or choosing which retirement home you'd like to live in). All in all I think Andi and some dumb viewers at home were surprised to see someone with such good looks have such poor people skills. Some people might argue that the miscommunication is due to the fact that Juan Pablo is foreign and English is not his first language. Human beings are a planetary epidemic and respect is an internationally used currency. So simply put, Juan Pablo es un cerdo.
So there you have it. An example of someone who's looks got the best of his onlookers. He was not Mr. Perfect simply for appearing to be perfect. It can be conversely stated that just because someone is ugly doesn't necessarily mean they're a great person. I've met some people who are just as nasty inside as they are out. I'm just saying, War and Peace may come with gorgeous cover art but it still just a table leveler in my house. Don't a judge a book until you've given it a good read (cliffsnotes.com).
The second instance that brought this topic to my attention and fingertips was one in my actual life. Not my vicarious one on the telly (ugh I wish I had a British accent, or a British boyfriend) My friends mother, on her everlasting quest to find my friend a lobster-for-life (<--not actual crustacean more the Pheobe Buffay sort) had informed her daughter, my friend who we will call Janet, that a friend of the mother's had given a boy Janet's name as a single white female looking for love. The boy proceeded to Facebook friend request Janet. Janet's a classy broad who doesn't just accept anyone as a friend on Facebook and only goes hot-tubbing with you if you're a local cop who could maybe get her out of a speeding ticket or two down the road (double meaning, ugh, love it). So she did not accept. In addition to him being a stranger, this guy was quite the Quasimodo. Now now I know what you readers are thinking, "who does John think he is? who is he to judge? who says he's so good-looking?" I don't think I'm worthy of judging or surveying anyone and the only people who have called me good looking are people who have eyes so...there. But there is something to be said about physical attraction. It has to exist. Now sure, I've gone on dates with some uglies and typically I would tell my friend to go on the date FTS (for the story) [Aside: I live most of my life not by #YOLO so much as #forthestory. I believe every experience teaches us about ourselves if not the world around us so I always say "do it FTS" This brings me to my next point of why FTS works. Personality adds to looks. Just as we saw personality take away from Juan Pablo's looks, we can see it add to Quasimodo's looks. Wasn't everyone a little jealous of that gypsy Esmerelda in the Disney movie when she ended up with Quasimodo?? I'm assuming she ended up with him because hopefully Disney had the wherewithal to show a woman who looked like Penelope Cruz fall for a man who looked like Mickey Rourke after a 3 day Vegas bender on no sleep. I would've hooked up with Quasimodo at least to see what his thing looked like...........that point was counterproductive. Forget you read it/I said it. But truthfully, get to know someone and you'll see they're sense of humor, familial ideals, views on social issues may straighten out their nose, ungrease their hair, clear up their skin. Juan Pablo began this season looking all sorts of David Beckham and just as nice. No he's this melting blonde Ross Gellar looking blob who needs to be scraped off my shoe. All because of one thing: we got to know him. Like I said, don't judge a book.] but this guy is really really really not her type. If you're not a #YOLO person and if you're not a #FTS person, there needs to be something that draws you in to inquire about a person before you can have an interest and want to know more. But if the person is unfortunate looking, like car crash unfortunate where you kinda look and say "Oh jeez, I hope no one got hurt" while wincing, then they're may not be hope for a connection.
Now my advice is to always say yes to a date. Why? I have seen people hook up with other people I'd never go for and I never believed they'd go for but its because of something they learned on a date. At the very least, a date is a free meal. But knowing my friend, knowing her typical type, and having eyes and seeing this guy (who quite frankly I can't unsee, thanks Janet) sometimes there needs to be some good looks. But alas! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so how can I say all of the above without hating myself and feeling vapid and shallow? Well, I do feel vapid and shallow but you would too if your days were spent watching Vanderpump Rules. But I am confident someone has found and will again find this man attractive. To each his own, he is someone's type, just not Janet's. If I'm Janet, I'm wondering why my mother's friend hates me so much to sick this dog on me. Someone needs a drink thrown in their face and....oh would you look at that? Its Wednesday, its me who needs the drink thrown in my face!
No comments:
Post a Comment